"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life, as I stood with Moses, so i will never leave you or forsake you" Joshua 1:5
This is the verse that has gotten me through the ordeal of the past six years, but more precisely, through this last year. I have had to fight for my right to be free from someone that I was no longer compatible with and for the right to continue to be a mother to my son. My son. . .it feels almost as if I've dreamt him up. One moment we were two peas in a pod, inseparable in a sense and the next I have missed 6 years worth of birthdays and Christmases, teachers conferences and the changes that go from being a child to a young man. I am not going to lie, it has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do, to fight. Fight constantly, without quitting, but I have not fought alone, God has fought for me, with me and send angels to fill the gaps and lift me when I couldn't fight anymore. He has taught me so many lessons, but the greatest of those has been faith. I have failed him miserably in this, I have lost faith at times and believed that he had forgotten me. He never gave up on me, just loved me, walked beside me, held my hand and reminded me that he was there and that I could trust him. When we were going through court, it seemed that no matter how much I followed the rules and how much others didn't, things just did not seem to go the way I thought they should. I was angry at the injustice of the whole situation, but God had a plan that I had yet to see. His plan has been better than any plan that I could have for myself. His timing has been perfect all along. In his design, I had the opportunity to see his love in others as they helped us and at times carried us through. From our church family praying and raising money, the moms group donating for a yard sale, my parents and S buying plane tickets, people on both ends here and Ca, stepping in and making sure that we were taken full care of, it has been amazing and we would never had had the opportunity to see and experience any of that without this going as it has.It has made our hearts long to expand and reach out as well. He hes never left us or forsaken us, he has only loved us and stretched us, to make us who we need to be for his glory. The ordeal isn't completely over, but I am no longer afraid and look forward actually to see what he has for us next.
